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mfreise

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It's a Boy [Tuesday the 1st, 10.14PM]
[ mood | excited ]

Today, we got the sonogram and found out that it is going to be a boy. I didn't care what the baby was going to be as long as the baby was healthy. Tam and Jess wanted a girl and Caitlyn wanted a boy. We all thought, except for Caitlyn, that the baby was going to be a girl. Boy were we surprised. I am having a son. I can't believe it. lol

remembered children.

Sick again [Thursday the 12th, 03.56PM]
[ mood | sick ]

I haven't written in a while so I thought I would start again. Well I am sick again within the past few weeks, this time for almost two days. I feel like my stomach is just all tied up and the Zelnorm that I usually take for my IBS isn't working this time. I wish that I would listen to Tam and call the doctor when I feel this way. I figured that like the last time, I slept and felt better, but this time I haven't been able to get to sleep except for dosing. I finally called the doctor and will see him in the after hours clinic. I hate being sick. Well hopefully I will get better and will be able to dose for another hour before seeing the doctor.

remembered children.

Management [Saturday the 26th, 10.07PM]
[ mood | tired ]

Well I found out last night at work that they have opened up the Management Training to be filled in the months of October through December. On my first break I applied for the position of Management Trainee so hopefully I will be picked and that I will hear soon. The only problem is that most likely we will have to move. :( On a happy note, my birthday is tomorrow.

remembered children.

Friends [Friday the 7th, 09.51AM]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Yesterday before we left to pick up Caitlyn, I received an email from a friend in California. He told me that another friend and his roommate suffered a stroke and was in a coma and possibly would not live much longer. It hit me pretty good since my friend Richard is my age. I hope and pray that since it has been about 24 hours that God wouldn't let him suffer. I pray that he gets better and wakes from his coma.

He went to work yesterday morning but never made it out of his truck. He was found what they think was about an hour after he suffered the stroke but it could have been longer. He was sent to the local hospital then airlifted to UCSF Medical Center where he is on the respirator but the doctors think he won't survive.

To top it off, because of places to go yesterday morning and picking Caitlyn up from the airport, which is a two hour drive there and back, we didn't get home until 7 and I dozed about an hour before going to work last night that I have been up for almost 36 hours, so that doesn't help much with everything. My friend Steve will be keeping me informed about Richard since I can't get out there. I sent him an email since he doesn't have a cell phone but he checks his emails and will leave me a voice mail or email since I will be going to sleep very soon.

remembered children.

My Feelings [Tuesday the 13th, 09.05AM]
[ mood | depressed ]

Last night and this morning while I was at work and even now I am feeling a little down because of the job scene. Tam would say 'Get Over It', but this time, I won't just 'Get Over It'. I've had an idea for the past couple of weeks about seeing if I can get funding for my business, either by having investors or trying for a loan, or both. My idea is to get enough funding that I can work full time in it for at least a year and have money to get the marketing done because without marketing the business isn't going to go anywhere, that is what I am finding out now. I tried to get clients down here in Stephenville, but I had no takers. I did have a few calls, but none panned out. :( I still have most of my clients in Colorado, but it is getting difficult to get the work done or to find something out when the client either has to mail things to me, which takes a few days, or if either of us needs to contact the other, we have to make sure what the time is. And now that I am working nights and sleeping during the day, it is getting harder because the only time I can do the work is either in the morning after I get home or on my nights off but I can't get a hold of the client if I need something right away. I either have to make sure that I stay up to 11 or 12 and then I sleep until 8 or 9 that night, and to top it off, our mail doesn't get to the box until have 12 so I have to either have Tam go down and get the mail, which she doesn't really want to go out, or try to wake up by 5 so I can go down to the Mail box place before they close at 5:30. Then I have clients trying to call me during the day when I am asleep and when I get up around 9, I have an hour to get ready, eat, feed the dogs, and walk the dogs before I leave for work, which doesn't give me much time to call the client back. I have to wait until the morning and then I have to wait until after 9 so I don't call them too early. Plus I miss the cooler and less humid weather. I should have known that I have a hard time with humidity. When I went to TN last summer for my two week duty, I had problems with the humidity and my fibro.

Now my idea is to get the funding and move back to Colorado, get my business full time in an office that my clients and prospective clients can meet me. I was thinking about North Colorado Springs, but Tam first off doesn't want to move but she begrudgingly said that if we did move back to Colorado Springs it would be in the South end where we were living before. I told her that I would be surprised if she didn't miss her parents and she said that she does miss them. Caitlyn has gone up there three times in the last year for fun and this time for a whole month. I know that she says that she doesn't want to move, but I know that she misses her friends and her cousin that are in Colorado. Tam said something about maybe moving to the Denver area and I thought that was good. If my business doesn't last the year, I do have a year to find something and I can find a better job in the accounting field in Denver then I could down here in Stephenville. For one thing, once I get my MBA, if we lived in Colorado I can sit for the CPA exam and get certified. With my CPA designation, I can get very good high paying jobs as a Controller or Accounting Manager, which a lot of companies are asking for the CPA. My plan will have built in for more then the one office. Once I get my CPA, I would be able to audit companies and charge $60,000 if I wanted to. Audits would then be my biggest profit center. I also plan to have Temp/Perm help to work with clients to include having the Government a client. They always want temporary help. I plan to think big.

But there is a hitch, which there is always one. To get the funding, I have to work on finishing up with my new business plan and sent off to prospective investors and to the bank but since I am working overnights and sleeping during the day, I am finishing up with my last three classes for my MBA, which I figured that I would have to request a 6 week extension since I have almost 28 papers to write and the end of the session is June 23rd. I also have to work on my clients work. I have two clients that received letters from the IRS that they have made some changes to thier 2004 tax return and now they owe, which I have to find out why. I already have quit one thing, which is my roleplaying Star Trek sim and went down to just a message board sim. Every Sunday I had to make sure I was up before 8, since the sim ran from 8 - 9 and during that time I couldn't do homework or clients work or anything and when it was over, I had to feed the dogs and walk them, plus get ready to go to work at 10:30, which didn't give me much time to do school work or my clients work, plus I try not to do any clients work on Sundays.

In February of this year I started another on-line school to get my teachers certificate since I wasn't able to find a job so I thought I could try and teach. According to my mentor at the school, I should be able to start this fall in an internship, but none of the school districts that I sent my resume have contacted me and those that I have contacted told me that either they do not have any openings or they found someone else. I know it is because I don't have the certificate, which I won't get until sometime next spring. I could then work as a teacher but for the 2007/2008 school year, which doesn't do me any good this year. I am finding it hard to work on that school work and the session ends in July which will place me on financial aid probation because I haven't got the credits that I need. I also need to get my military life insurance converted over to either VGLI or a civilian company, which ever is the cheapest. At least we have medical insurance now.

All of this stuff isn't good for my high blood pressure, though when I went to the doctor 3 weeks ago my blood pressure was pretty good. But my stress level has risen with us almost having our electricity turned off because we owed over $1,000 and I only get about 500 every two weeks and with the high temps and the humidity we would have been hurting, with that and Caitlyn gone for the month, plus not sleeping that well isn't helping with my Fibro. Tam also told me last night that the owner of our apartment complex is coming in to check out our apartment before they decide if we could transfer to an apartment that has washer/drier hookups. They are coming today at 3, which means not that much sleep for me today and another day that I won't be able to work on my papers or my business plan. If I am going to be able to get the money before the end of July when are lease is up then we might be stuck here for another year.

To be honest, I don't know why Tam likes Stephenville so much. We both had friends in Colorado, she has family there as well. She found one friend down here and I am not speaking about Jess, who is family, and I have found none. I have co-workers and that is it. Her grandmother is here in Texas, but we haven't seen her since right before Christmas and she hasn't spoken to her for a while I think. I know Jess is here too, but I wouldn't want to go anywhere without Jess coming with us. She is part of the Family. Tam hasn't even changed her driver's license over to Texas. If we did move back to Colorado, she and her dog Toto.... I mean Pinni, lol, would be coming with us. Caitlyn has friends down here as well, but she is mostly on the computer and I think she has more friends in Colorado that she would be able to visit. I have applied for jobs in Denver, hoping to get a good paying job there. It is funny, but this family some have moved away from Colorado they always came back. First it was Barry that left for CT and returned to stay, then it was Caitlyn's cousin, who moved to FL and then returned. My sister-in-law moved to OK and returned a few months later.

I gave Texas a year to see if it would work and it isn't working for me, but when I mention something about us moving back to Colorado, everyone gets mad at me. I do know that part of my being down this morning is that I forgot to take my meds last night before going to work. I had planned on getting up around 7, but set the alarm for 7 AM instead of 7 PM so I got up around 9 and since I was going to take a shower, that left me with less time to feed the dogs, walk them, eat dinner myself and get ready to go to work that I left without taking them. By my first break I was wondering why I was in slight pain and it dawned on me that I didn't take my meds. But I have had my feeling of missing Colorado and the people I know up there before I didn't take the meds, it is just stronger when I am off the meds. If I don't get the financing that I need either by the loan or investors, then I don't know. I will keep on working on the plan and I plan to think positive.

Another thing was my sister called me Sunday night when I was just waking up. She did leave a message which sounded like she wanted to bitch to me about something. I couldn't call her back until I got off of work Monday morning and then I had to wait until after 10 since she is in California. She didn't want to bitch to me about something, she just told me that she was worried about dad coughing after having a cold. I cough for a few weeks after the cold is gone. I know he will be 82 this year, but he is healthy. Then she started to bitch to me about Tam not working. Tam and I discussed this and decided that she would home school Caitlyn and be a stay at home mom. We still believe in that even though I am getting paid less then what I should be paid, but until either my company gets the funding and gets lots of clients, or I find a job that I like that is good paying, we are just going to have to deal with working at Wal-Mart right now. Yes Tam could start working over the summer, but why? If I get the funding or a job that will pay for a move, even if I don't find a job that will pay for the move, we can still move anywhere, but I am hoping to Colorado, with no problems. Plus if I get a good paying job or my company will get the funding, she won't have to work anyway.

I know this is long, but I haven't been writing anything here for a while so it was time. Well I have dishes to work on plus my meds that I took are starting to work so this is where I will stop. But I do hope that everyone will get on board about my idea of moving.

remembered children.

Time Off [Wednesday the 31st, 09.53AM]
[ mood | tired ]

Well last night was one of my nights off from work and I started working on writing my papers for my last three classes so I can be caught up. What was I thinking taking three classes at the same time? lol Oh well, I should be finished and have my MBA this next month. I kept on getting distracted on other things and had to bring myself back to my studies several times and then this morning I was confused on one of the assignments so I had to email my instructor to get clarification on it. And I just checked my email and he had sent me a reply which I will use tonight.

On a different note, I found a new singer that I liked. Her name is Amy Diamond and the amazing thing about this singer is that she is just 6 months older then Caitlyn, which makes her only 14 and she recorded her first album last year that went gold with selling over 30,000 copies and she just finished up her second album this month. She is also Swedish and she is fluent in English and Swedish though all her songs are in English. When she speaks English she has a British accent that I guess she gets from her father who is British. She always speaks to him in English so she can keep practicing. She tours in the summer months and goes to a regular school during the school year.

Now it is shower and bed time if I want to get up around 5 this afternoon. This working nights sucks.

remembered children.

Hate being sick [Wednesday the 19th, 07.15AM]
[ mood | sick ]

Well last night was one of my days off and I was sick. I had an upset stomach with aches and pains. When Tam came up around 4 this morning, she felt my head and told me I had a fever. All I knew was I wasn't feeling well. I came downstairs so if I did get sick, I wouldn't wake up my family. I do know one thing about being sick. The normal aches and pains of having a virus, is worse when you have fibro. I hurt alot and I do not want to take my pain meds because they might come right back up. I am sipping Gatorade to keep fluids in me. Once Tam comes down this morning, I am going back to bed and depending on how I feel, I might take my sleeping pill and sleep the day so I feel better in the evening. Depending on how I feel tonight, I might go to the doctor and I won't be going to work on Thursday night.

I found out the other day that they have a manditory cashier meeting on Thursday. Once at 7 in the morning, once at 3 in the afternoon, and once around 8 that night. I was planning on going to the 7 in the morning one but then remembered I had Wed night off so I might take the afternoon one if I am feeling better.

At least I am now done with all my CBLs and I have been working the register more then at the beginning. I am happy because of that. Well I am going to try and doze until Tam gets up.

2 remembered children.

First Night at my new Job [Monday the 10th, 07.41AM]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Well I had my first night on the new job. I now work at Wal-Mart as an overnight cashier. I woke up Sunday morning a little before 8 so I could go to church at 9. When I came home after 10, I cleaned up the kitchen. Tam was got up near 11 and I finally decided to go to sleep near 12 after getting Jess up. I slept ok until 7 last night with waking up just a couple of times, but I usually wake up a few times when I sleep at night even with Unisom, which I took before sleeping. I had my Star Trek sim game at 8 and arrived at work here at the local Wal-Mart Supercenter. Being new, I had to have a manager come back to the time clock so I could clock in. I am not in the system yet. I worked on my CBLs, which are Computer Based Learning, for a couple of hours then went on break. After I got back, I took care of some shopping baskets full of merchandise and took them back to thier departments, which took me five minutes. I then was told to go to lunch. After lunch I cleaned up half of the registers, put up candy, and was a people greeter when that employee went on break. Around 5:45, I went on my second break and then emptied bins full of merchandise from the returns desk into shopping baskets and took them back to the departments. I got off at 7 this morning and when I got home Tam, who was awake, told me that they picked up the Santa Fe around 5 this morning. My stomach was feeling a little upset, which I don't know why this time since it started when I was on my way home. It is probably upset because I am taking a drive up to Fort Worth to deposit a check for my company even after sleeping maybe a little over 6 hours and being awake all night. My stomach did get a little worse after she told me about the car. So I will drive up to Fort Worth, which is about an hour, deposit the check and then drive home. Maybe then I will be able to eat breakfast since I am not hungry and my stomach is a little queesy. I had to chew a Malox tablet so hopefully that will work until I get home in a couple of hours. I do hurt a little, but I will get used to standing. Once I get home, I plan on relaxing for a little while, then kick everyone out of the room and go to bed.

1 remembered children.

Headache from Hell [Tuesday the 4th, 06.46AM]
[ mood | depressed ]

Well it is 6:45AM and I woke up with a headache from hell. I haven't had a headache like this in a while. I used to get these but since I have been taking my HBP meds, they haven't been coming as much. I guess this is from the stress because my stress level raised considerable yesterday. It was already high because I still haven't found a job, but yesterday we got word that our food stamps were canceled. I believe that it is because I am a student. I am trying to better myself so I can get a better job, and I am being penalized for it. I am still looking for a job, in fact, I will be going down to the fast food places to apply for a minimum wage job. I hope that by next fall I will be teaching so I don't really need something permanent. Everything is just coming down on us at the same time. My $5,000 stipend that I am supposed to receive from the Troops to Teachers program was cut in half so I won't get any more money from them until after October. The financial aid that I am using is just enough to pay for my classes so I didn't get a very high refund. Now I am beginning to ask myself if this is worth it. Maybe this is telling me not to become a teacher. Maybe it is telling me to move my family away to a different city so I can use my MBA with a large company. I was told by my sister that my father is beginning to wonder why we left our day jobs, which I didn't have a choice, and moved down here to Texas. I have applied for a couple of positions with HP that I found, but both jobs are out of the state. One is in Boise, ID, and the other is in Roseville, CA. I just hope that we can pay our rent, utilities and pay for food.

remembered children.

Exhausted [Monday the 20th, 03.20AM]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Here again, I am up at 3 in the morning. I woke up with the start of major cramps that usually when I chew a few Malox it goes away so I can sleep. Tonight or I should say this morning it seems that the cramps aren't going away. These cramps are always in the same place. I thought about eating some cookies that we have, but all I could get down was one cookie. The only thing that usually worked was a glass of milk, but then I heard on the IBS livejournal that Milk is one of the worse things for IBS so I don't want to drink a glass of milk, plus we are out of milk right now so I couldn't drink a glass even if I did want to. When I first was diagnosed with IBS before I was diagnosed with Fibro, I went and had a hospital stay. During that stay, the nurses gave me some Chamomile tea that did the job. Right now that is the only thing is getting close to calming my cramps down, it isn't working completely though. It is like I have an ulcer starting, but I know that it is just gas. Somedays I wish that I didn't have Fibro and that I can keep my stress level down. I also wish that my doctor would re-prescribe Lunesta since that kept me sleeping all night. Last night I kept getting up every two hours, when I got up around 7:30 I was very tired. I am the type of person that can't sleep during the day unless I am very very very tired. I used to work nights and had more trouble sleeping during the day then at night. I have read at www.menwithfibro.com that a guy wrote that he applied for SSI and stated Fibro as one of the reasons and he got it. He applied in January of 2002 and by April he was receiving SSI. I have heard here that you should put a different reason to get approved. I just recently applied for SSI, but it is still in process. I put down other reasons as well as Fibro.

2 remembered children.

Frustrated [Tuesday the 14th, 08.26AM]
[ mood | frustrated ]

This morning I got up at 6:30, which was about the time Tam went to bed. She used to go to bed around 1 or 2 when Jess went to bed, but lately she has been going to bed almost when it starts getting light. She knows that Caitlyn starts school at 9. We haven't cuddled in a while since I go to bed around 10, but lately it has been around midnight since I get into the books that I am reading and can't put them down. I am half tempted to tell her that I am taking over teaching Caitlyn until I get a job. I am frustrated that I haven't found a job even though I have a Bachelors degree and almost a Masters degree. Most of the jobs that I can get are up in Fort Worth, and a lot of employers see that I will have an hour commute so they do not want to hire me. The job that I was offered, the owner told me that I might look for another job closer to where I lived and cheaper. I told him that I wouldn't, but I think that is one of the reasons that the offer was rescinded. Another thing, I don't know if she will be able to get up around 7 to walk the dogs, take Jess to school, and begin homeschooling Caitlyn like she said she would if I got a job. I know that she is frustrated because I haven't found a job and it is frustrating to me as well. She used to get up around 8:30, get Caitlyn up and fed, then around 9 she would start schooling Caitlyn. She was happy doing that since she could have Mommy/Caitlyn time. I know that Caitlyn is advanced in her studies, but she still needs school. She used to work nights awhile back and would come home around 6 in the morning and we tried to homeschool Caitlyn at that time and Tam was frustrated with Caityln because she was tired and Caityln was frustrated with being homeschooled so she gave up and we put her back into public school. I see that happening again. We also haven't gone to church as a couple in awhile since she stays up all night on Saturday. I joked with her last week about getting to bed and she took it the wrong way and told me that I wasn't her father. That started an argument that left us both angry with each other. I have spoken to her about church and I feel like I am speaking to a brick wall. She has her mind set and no one will change it. I am starting to think that we are going farther away from each other and I am feeling that I am her roommate instead of her husband. I love her dearly, but I am frustrated. I sometimes wish that if I didn't have Fibro, then I would be on Active Duty with my Army Reserve unit, then at least there would be money coming in and I would be away for awhile, since I think she thinks that we need time away from each other. I know Caitlyn is glad that I am not going since I would be away for 18 months.

remembered children.

My Day [Sunday the 5th, 09.16PM]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Well last night I didn't get to sleep until 3 this morning because I was reading the ending of a book. I got up a little before noon with a splitting headache that was with me most of the day. When my wife and Jess got back from Jess's apt I was very happy to see them, but when I put in a DVD after playing my game Ghost Recon Jungle Storm, my wife and I argued and I let them watch whatever they wanted and went up to our room to read. My headache was coming back so I took a bath and then ate dinner, fed the animals and I am about to go to bed since my daughter wants my computer back since she is roll playing. I hope tomorrow is better.

remembered children.

Very tired [Sunday the 29th, 11.58AM]
[ mood | stressed ]

Well for another night I didn't get much sleep. It seems to be getting worse instead of better. This morning I still hurt even though I didn't do much except go out to get breakfast for my family and play with our dog Pikachu. My legs feel like I walked for several miles and my stomach still hurts a little. I hate feeling this way. I am going to be applying for SSI to see if I can get disability from the state, but I will continue with my schooling and hopefully start work teaching. Let's hope. Now I have to write 4 papers so I can catch up with my schooling and then this week write 4 more for this 2 week period. I was planning on going to church this morning, but found out that the church we were planning on going to started at 10:30 instead of 11 like I thought and it was already 10:27. Tam didn't get to sleep until almost the time I got up this morning so I figured that she wasn't going to go. I sometimes feel that she doesn't want to go to church and I am not going to force her, the same as Caitlyn. I will go to church without them next week. I found out that the Methodist church that my daughter's friend goes to has a contemporary service, but it on Wednesday evenings. I don't know what type of service that the Church of Christ has. That is the one we were planning on going to ever since the pastor at the Assembly of God church told the congregation to stop taking the Anti Depressant medication and let God take care of it. Our medication is the only way we can get to church. I would like to have the whole family go to church, but it has to be a church the whole family will like. I hope that I will be able to sleep tonight with no problem. So I better get started finishing the papers that I have to write.

remembered children.

Not Sleeping [Sunday the 29th, 12.23AM]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Well I went to bed around 9 tonight and read for a little while before shutting off the light and trying to go to sleep, but all I did was toss and turn because my stomach hurt. Around 11:30, I decided to drink tea since I heard that tea helps with the gas pains. I also swallowed a couple of Mylanta pills hoping that both would help me with my gas and so I could sleep. I haven't been able to sleep good because my new doctor hear in Texas told me that I shouldn't be on Lunesta and didn't prescribe it to me. Using Lunesta was helping me get a good night sleep and was helping with my pain management. I am thinking of applying for SSI now. I took a test that showed me that I was eligible for SSI, but I don't know if I will be able to get it. I know that my sister could get it with no problem, but Fibro has been requested to be on their list but hasn't yet. Well I am going to try and sleep so I could get up in time for church in the morning.

remembered children.

I hate Stress and Having IBS [Tuesday the 24th, 07.53PM]
[ mood | & Sick ]

Well all day today I have been sick and it all comes down to the stress level that I am at and I don't know how to lower it. Plus I had my Pamalor refilled today and already took one and I will be taking another one before I go to sleep. I will be heading to bed soon because I am sick to my stomach again. I did eat something small at least, it is just that my stomach is full of gas and I do not want to take my Tums because it made it worse. I need to get my doctor to prescribe Lunesta again. I know that my doctor in Colorado had no problems. If I had the Lunesta, I would be able to sleep better then I have.

I heard back from the job that I interviewed and I didn't get the job. I wasn't agressive enough for them. And hearing that this morning made me even more depressed and that is the reason that I will be taking another of my Pamalor. I hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Since I wasn't feeling that well, I forgot about Kira's Dog food and that we needed to pick up a bag today. I had to mix hers with the little guy's food so she would have her dinner. I hate being sick and I hate having IBS that is starting to get uncontrollable.

remembered children.

My nightly routine [Tuesday the 24th, 02.19AM]
[ mood | melancholy ]

This has become a nightly routine now. I usually wake up with sharp stomach pain on my right side around 2 am. I get up and eat some cookies or cake and drink milk and usually the pain goes away enough to go back to sleep. I am getting tired of it. The only way that it doesn't happen is when I take a sleeping pill, and the over the counter stuff doesn't work. Stupid me forgot to refill one of my meds on Saturday and I took the last one on Saturday, so Sunday night I went without it and when I went down today to get it refilled, the pharmacy was out of the meds until tomorrow so I am without the my Pamalor for another night which usually helps a little with the nightly stomach pain. Everyone is telling me that it was because of nerves since I had a second interview for this job that I had an offer dependent on this second interview with the owner. The first interview, which was three weeks ago, was with the Controller of the company and who I would be working for. I hope that I get this job and if I don't, I hope that I can get some new clients until I can start teaching.

Today I also received some paperwork from the Army Reserve that I had to sign and have my Commander sign so I can get my medical retirement. I have emailed it up to my company so my Commander can sign it. I then should hear back hopefully in the next couple of months with my retirement papers. I also hope that I receive something from the VA soon about some type of disability.

remembered children.

New Year [Monday the 2nd, 09.20PM]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Well I felt alot better since late last week, maybe it is because my daughter came home from Colorado yesterday. It could also be that I am taking all my meds again. I went down to the doctor on Friday and he wrote up all my prescriptions for all my meds except for Lunesta, but I found out that I haven't needed Lunesta lately. My wife and I are arguing less since both of us are on our meds. I have to contact one of my career places because I am supposed to be having an interview on Wed, but she never called me to confirm the interview. I found out today that my admission into WGU, the online university that I am going to be attending for my MAT, has been accepted and paid for by Financial Aid. I start at the beginning of February. I will still be attending Tourou University for 5 more classes to get my MBA. I hope to be teaching by this fall, even if it is student teaching.

My sister called last night after I had gone to sleep, waking me up because they didn't have any power and she wanted to just talk. I spoke to her for almost an hour before getting her to hang up so I could go back to sleep. Sometimes I don't understand my sister. I spoke to my dad this morning and he told me that the power wouldn't be back up until 5 this afternoon, which is 7 my time here in Texas.

remembered children.

Today's Happenings [Tuesday the 27th, 08.21PM]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Today was the first day that I felt good. I didn't hurt that much and I didn't have an upset stomach. I slept in and then watched movies while working on a latch hook rug that I have had for over 8 years but haven't worked on. It has helped keep my blood pressure down since we can't afford having me go to the doctor to get a new prescription for my blood pressure meds. Also today, since my wife is not on her meds, we got into a fight. It was like a pressure cooker for most of the day and something had to break, well it broke tonight after I spoke to my younger sister that I haven't spoken to in a few months. She has decided to send me some money so I can get back onto my blood pressure medicine because that is one of the things that is in my families medical history. All my sisters have high blood pressure and my dad has it as well. My mother had hyper tension which caused her to pass out while in the bath tub. She also had Emphysema which made her lungs not able to breathe that well which helped make her pass out. She was already on her way out and only breathed in a little water before passing away. Well my wife and and my family had a falling out last year when my older sister accused me of not treating her son, that stayed with us in Colorado, very well. Her son had told his mother lies about my wife and I. My wife is still angry with my family about that, I am a little and I don't speak with my older sister at all and my father has forgotten about what he said. I have let it go and forgiven them, except for my older sister. Well the fight was about my family in general and I defended them and I walked away. She tried to apologize, but it was too early for me, I still had to cool down. Right now we aren't speaking to eachother because we are both pissed off. I had an enrollment conference call for the new university that I am going to. I will be working on my Masters of Teaching degree so I can teach.

I found out from my sister that my father has quit smoking cold turkey because of a friend and bridge partner that was diagnosed recently with lung cancer. Also my sister is thinking of, in the future like 5 or more years in the future, on purchasing a Bed and Breakfast for the family and is hoping that I will want to help them run it and work in it. I have already made my plans that I am going to be working as a teacher, plus I can't live with my sister, any of my sisters or my father. I told my wife about it and she just said that I could go, but she isn't going to go. I know that my family can be jerks, but her family can and has. In fact her mother was the reason we lost the short sell on our house, but she is still speaking to her and we stayed with her mother when we went to Colorado in October. I just feel that she can be a little more understanding of my family.

I received a call this morning from the career service that I am using to find me a job. They set me up for an interview next Wednesday morning in Fort Worth. I have faith that if this is the job that GOD has for me, at least until I start my student teaching, I will get this job. The company is only about 30 or 40 minutes away.

remembered children.

Feeling Better [Monday the 26th, 10.58AM]
[ mood | good ]

Well today I am feeling better. I was able to eat breakfast with no problems. And because of feeling better, except for hurting, I am in a better mood. I slept better last night. Today, my wife created my new look for my Live Journal. One more week, and my daughter will home. I still hope that I can get more clients for my business and/or get a good paying job.

remembered children.

Going out [Sunday the 25th, 05.44PM]
[ mood | stressed ]

Well today, Tam, Jess, and I went to Jess' Grandmother's for Christmas dinner and I was thinking that if I didn't feel better today, I wasn't going to go. Well I felt better this morning and we went, but a few hours later, I started feeling sick to my stomach again. I wish that I could feel better again, or at least feel like I used to. I have been a little down because of not feeling well but also because I hurt. We can't afford the meds that I need, except for one which was only $15. But my pain meds are over $50 without insurance and we do not have insurance. I am getting sick of being sick. I am reading a book called The Black Griffen, by Mercedies Lackey, which is a Science Fiction book. It has a kindof healer that heals with the mind, which they call a "Gift". I wish that we had one of these healers that could go into a healing trance and heal the Fibro and everything with it so I can be healthy like the way I was in the early years of my marriage. I know this is affecting Tam even though she says that she wished she could get rid of it. I know that if I get a job, then my stress level will drop considerably and my Fibro, that has been getting worse this last couple of months, would get better. I wish that my own company can be bringing in money enough that we can get insurance and not the worry about where money is going to come from when we have to pay for rent, for the cars, for the utilities and phone, and other things that we have to pay for. I wish that I wasn't such a hinder sometimes to my family. I know that my wife is going to say that I am NOT a hinder though.

remembered children.

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